I find myself asking so often lately, "Is there really an end to all of this? Is there really a baby in there? Or do I just have a lifelong condition of a squirming alien inside of me?" I know that millions of women have gone before me and had these same types of feelings. But, seriously, shouldn't the baby come with a specific date and time that you will go into labor? Then I think I would feel like I have so much more purpose! Instead I find myself having a small contraction, looking at the clock and wondering if this could actually be it! And when another contraction doesn't come, I roll over disappointed.
Yesterday I went to see the doctor and ended up asking him if he could strip my membranes or do something to help get this baby going! He's a little nervous (and rightfully so) that if he tries to get it all moving before the baby's ready that I'll end up in a c-section. So, he compromised with me that if I came back on Friday and the NST machine showed that I was having contractions, then he would do it.
So, now I am anxiously hoping that the small contractions I have are enough.
Meanwhile, I feel like I am twiddling my thumbs. I've worked on several projects throughout the pregnancy and I just feel burned out of them lately. I could continue to work on mine and David's wedding album or do a couple of pages for Lydia's baby book. But, instead, I end up putting on a movie and working on my everlasting puzzle or just wanting to go to sleep. I went through a spirt when we first got back from Washington where I crazily organized everything in the baby's room and cleaned the house. And now, I just feel lazy. I have no signs of what they call "nesting". I almost wonder if I have a pre-postpartum depression or baby blues. I have no idea. But I do know that I really want to have this baby! I feel like when I do, not only will my body have a chance to recuperate from all this, but my many wakeups throughout the night will have a purpose other than a run to the toilet! Maybe that's it. I just don't feel like I have much of a purpose right now. Lydia, please...please come soon!
4 comments:
Your feelings are normal, and you've totally had your share of nesting. The end is hard, and waiting isn't fun, but I sometimes wonder if having the doctor speed things along would also not be fun. Even though I have a history of frighteningly fast labors that tempt me to ask the doctor to schedule an induction so that I know I'll be at the hospital in time, I think I'd be too scared of a potentially unnecessarily long labor (and possible c-section) to actually do it. I know it's miserable to wait, and the guessing game of When Is It the Real Thing? isn't the most fun to play. I was super miserable the last couple weeks I carried Caleb, and even though I didn't always like to hear it, it was sort of comforting when my mom (repeatedly) told me that the longer the baby cooks, so to speak, the better for everyone. Even if you're technically full term. The longer she's there, the more developed her lungs, which are one of the last organs to develop, will be. And that's something you really, really want. So hang in there! It will all be over soon, really.
(But if the doctor does induce you on Friday, the odds are incredibly good that she and I would share a birthday this Saturday...1-2-3.)
You're okay ... but don't rush things. Lindsay's right on all accounts. Stripping membranes REALLY is not fun ... and it doesn't always speed anything along. Let the dr. feel comfortable with what he's doing too ... you aren't overdue yet! And, if you feel like sleeping now then do it. You'll need the rest later. But, if she's ready she could share the day with Lindsay, or her G'ma Matthews on the 25th.
Oh, I was also going to say, like your mom did, to rest rest rest while you can. Pushing out a baby is HARD WORK, and you'll need all the energy you can muster up for that. And on the other side, taking care of a baby 24/7 is also HARD WORK. So get as much rest now while you can. You will need it.
The last month is as long as the rest of the pregnancy, or so it seems. They had to induce me a week late--short labor though (7 hours). But don't worry that little alien will come!
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